4 years and 2 kids Later...

I often jokingly ask mothers of older children if they have "recovered" yet from having kids. Not in a physical way, but in the all-encompassing mental way. Eli is now 4 and our baby, Arianna, is now 2. I'm just now feeling somewhat "recovered" from the experience of having kids, yet still ridiculously busy, mentally exhausted, physically exhausted and many times overwhelmed, disorganized and "out of it."

People do this every day, have babies. Some people sail through pregnancy, birth, sleep-deprivation and all that comes with babies with ease. Many others struggle. I struggled. And still do, frankly. It always feels like everyone else has it all together, except me. If you feel that way, then we should hang out. :)

Postpartum depression, postpartum hormone fluctuations, feelings of needing to be there for your newborn baby's every breath are all real and can capture a mom without her knowing it. I'm fortunate that my second pregnancy and birth was much easier, but man, that sleep deprivation is brutal. The grip of the postpartum emotional issues I experienced lifted after having my second child. It was like a veil being lifted that I didn't know was there. It was still hard, but I wasn't pulled down into my emotions as much anymore. I still didn't know what to do all the time, but it didn't feel as if my decision were life or death. Some people put my feelings down as just being a "first-time" mom, but whatever you call it, it was hard emotionally on me- for over 2 years.

And here I am, on the other side of it. I share because I know others struggle too, and even while I had SO MUCH support from professionals and friends, new moms like me, it was still hard. I want any mom to know that if they feel like it's all too hard, amazingly hard, that is because it is! It's hard... I often say I was always told motherhood would be hard, but no one told me it would 1,000 times harder than the hardest thing I ever did! When you see other moms doing things that you think you "should" be able to do, give yourself a break. Text another new mom (in the middle of the night) and commiserate over night feedings, endless laundry, nap-less babies and unending toys. Talking to other new moms is one of the best ways to find someone to identify with in this crazy time in your life, when just getting a few hours sleep is a victory. You are in complete survival mode, but trying to look good and pretending to have it all together on the outside.

The one thing I would say to a new mom is to always give yourself a break. You are doing SO MUCH in just feeding, nurturing and loving that tiny baby. Don't listen to what anything that doesn't sit well with you (If that well-meaning friend tells you to let your child cry and that goes against your gut feel, then don't listen. If that well-meaning family member tells you to nurture you child at your own expense every time and you're about to go absolutely insane if you don't get just a few hours sleep, then don't listen). Don't listen to the "shoulds" in your mind telling you what you think you should be doing, but instead do what you need to do for your and your baby's physical and mental well-being. Let go of all the things you thought you would do once you became a parent and are now not doing. Be present, enjoy the moments and ask for help when you need it(one of the hardest things to do)!!!

I'm definitely not saying I'll keep up with this blog or even organize my house now that I have the tiniest amount of time to myself daily (that is still filled up with chores and appointments and just life). Instead, I'll go where life leads me- my kids are still really little, require a lot of attention and shower me with their cuteness daily. I love my life, my children, my husband and the family we have.

Merry Christmas!
Becky